Finding my tribe.

Why is it so important to belong to a tribe? We all need time to be held. To be supported, yet somewhere down the line we’ve arrived in the 21st century having lost the art of truly holding space for one another. We are living in such a fast paced environment filled with an overwhelming amount of technology and social media engagement that it has come at a cost, a cost that in a world filled with such instant connection, we all deep down feel more disconnected than ever.

So what is ‘my tribe’ you might be thinking? Your tribe are your friends, your family… the people you surround yourself with to lift you higher, to feel held, heard, supported and seen. Your tribe isn’t just the casual friendships you have where you only tag each other in memes on Facebook or the people you only hear from once in a while when they want something…You know those people… Your tribe are the ones who are ALWAYS there for instant connection, they’re on the same page as you, you connect in a special certain way.

As we grow older we become more aware of who our true friends are, who we grow with and who grows with us. It’s completely normal to move on from certain people, and have friends drop off, it’s part of growing up. However, sometimes it can feel pretty lonely in the process.

My pageantry years saw me lose a lot of friends. They either got tired of me asking them to come support me with all my charity events, or maybe they thought I was a bit up myself… I don’t really know! The climb to the top of that industry was hard work, and when I finally got to the end goal it was pretty lonely up there alone with my crown.

Now that I’m a mama I’m finding the same thing is happening. Friends I once had have completely disappeared. While I was pregnant it was like a novelty, everyone wants to know how you’re doing and you feel so cared for… people seem to just flock to pregnant women. In the first few weeks after Lara was born I was inundated with people wanting to come meet her, I had people at my house everyday, and a phone full of messages and missed calls asking to see the baby. However, now that the newborn bubble has popped, I don’t hear from anyone and these last couple weeks have become quite lonesome for me.

I’ve come to realise I don’t have many mama friends who I can turn to in those hard times when I just need to vent on how tired I am and knowing that someone else understands because they’re tired from the same reasons. Or even to just go for a walk or have a coffee with. I was hoping that I’d meet some new mama friends out and about at community events like story time at the library, but sadly I end up feeling more like an outcast while everyone else chats with each other and i’m left just staring at my baby. It’s in those moments that I feel really alone, where I’m in a room full of mothers and babies and yet no one gravitates towards Lara and I.

I’m really looking forward to mothers group starting, I’m hoping il be able to find some new mama friends there!

I asked my husband if there is something wrong with me? Perhaps I’m not approachable, or maybe some find me intimidating with my statuesque height? I’m not sure! Truth is I’m an introverted kind of person, which might surprise many despite the positions I’ve been in with my career and pageantry days, and I find it hard to reach out to others, no matter how desperately I want to. So maybe I shouldn’t complain? Is it my own fault I feel so lonely? Do I need to just grow a pair and try make friends with strangers? So many questions I ask myself… but I don’t want to force friendships, I want friendships to form naturally, so they last!

As I reflect on these lonely moments I have to remind myself that I’m growing and developing. I’m in a new phase of life, I entered my thirties this year, I’m a wife and mother now. It’s ok that my non-mama friends have dropped off the radar since I’ve had Lara, and it’s because we’re at different stages in life. I need to remember that there’s nothing wrong with me, I just need to find girlfriends that want to be part of my tribe. Girlfriends that understand what it’s like to be a mama, who are on the same page as me, with similar interests. My tribe isn’t yet complete, and I’m still searching for those women who I know are out there, and maybe they’re searching for me too?!

And while I have days where I feel completely alone and long for new friends, I realise I need to also nurture those incredible friendships I already have. The friends that have been by my side since the very beginning, and have not only watched me grow but have grown with me. I treasure those friendships.

So what’s the summary of this blog post?

It’s to remember that life happens, people come and go. Real friends stay for the ride and also help adjust your helmet when the road gets rough. Don’t settle for meaningless or forced friendships. While it may feel lonely at times, be grateful for the people around you. Search for likeminded others, find those people to make up your tribe. Your tribe will see you through right until the end, so make sure they are the good ones.

And now that I’ve poured myself openly and honestly out into the universe, I trust that it blesses me with what I’m longing for…

After all your vibe attracts your tribe.

X Jes

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